Saturday, August 06, 2005

New Labour’s solution to just about everything: ban it!

Tony Blair appears to think that terrorism is a bit like smoking fags, fox hunting, or growing magic mushrooms in your garden.

At a press conference today, alone behind his lectern with only a rapidly receding hairline for company, Tony Blair outlined his plan to beat the terrorists.

He’s going to ban them!


He’s going to draw up a list of web sites that say bad and nasty things. And ban ‘em! He’s going to deport (ban!) any mad mullah preaching hate for people who use Gillette razors, and take holidays in Tuscany.

Fatwas? Ban the bastards!

Ban married couples having arguments in public.

Ban pot noodle!

Ban hate! (all you need is love)

But the beatroot wants to know how any of this would have prevented 7/7. How does banning things make them go away? Does banning ‘happy hour’ eliminate drunks and drunken behaviour? Is the plan to ban Macdonald’s adverts when children are watching television any better than the Atkins diet? Will it make fat people go away?

People are still taking magic mushrooms - even though, in the present climate of fear, they must now be vigilant and alert for fungal threats to ‘our way of life’ lurking under the garden gnome.

Ban rucksacks!

In the meantime, the British police are resurrecting another draconian relic, Stop and Search (i.e. cops randomly stopping minorities and asking them to turn out pockets and have police officers run hands up the inside of trouser legs!).

Remember Brixton 1981, anyone? How to create alienation among minorities and start riots? Stop and Search!

Banning religious hate speech will not ban hate.

Blair says that the terrorists are not going to change the British way of life (like getting drunk in public). But New Labour’s new knee-jerk, authoritarian legislation is changing our way of life more than a few horrid bombs, and a few psychotic suicide bombers, will ever do.

Terrorism and 7/7 will not go away because you ban them, Tony. And it won’t make your hair come back.

Panicky, balding politicians who think that the cause of everything bad can be blamed on ‘them over there’ and not ‘us over here’?

Ban ‘em!