Poland to send even more troops to Afghanistan

Poland will be sending 1000 more troops to quell an increasingly vicious Taliban counter attack. But I have a better plan. Send in Madonna!

The problem NATO military chief General Ray Henault had with the meeting of defense ministers in Warsaw last weekend was that many NATO countries signed up to send troops to Afghanistan, but have been dragging their feet ever since by not sending enough troops, or when they have sent troops neglected to accompany them with any decent equipment.

Poland has already committed over 500 troops six months earlier than they were scheduled to. Now it is the first to pledge even more forces.

Polish troops will be stationed, not in the southwest Helmand province where the British are and is extremely dangerous at the moment, but in the north of the country (up where the Germans are and comparatively safe) and in the east. They will only arrive in February 2007.

Many wonder why, five years after the US and others invaded Afghanistan to smash the Taliban and ‘get’ bin Laden in response to 9/11, they have neither smashed the Taliban nor got the bearded one...

So what can we do to pacify the Taliban and maybe even tempt Laden out of his cave?

Well, the beatroot thinks that conventional methods of battle will not be affective in this most asymmetric of wars. So we need an unconventional response.

Madonna, Gloria Gaynor or even George Michael could just hold the key.

Everyone knows that homosexuality was a capital offense during Taliban rule. What many don’t realize is that the city of Kandahar, the Taliban’s home town, is a hot bed – maybe literally – of homosexuality.

In one of BBC World Affairs editor, John Simpson’s brilliant books, he recounts seeing many Taliban fighters hanging around street corners with their Kalashnikovs slung casually over their shoulders, wearing eye make up, cheek blusher and a pair of gold lame sandals! Simpson wrote that they didn’t seem too interested in doing any fighting as most of the time they were convulsed in a hail of giggling and a cloud of marijuana smoke.

Homosexuality is far more common in Kandahar and among the Taliban than it is in London, Amsterdam, and San Francisco!

Mullah Mohammed Ibrahim, a local cleric told the LA Times:

"Ninety percent of men have the desire to commit this sin," the mullah says. "But most are right with God and exercise control. Only 20 to 50% of those who want to do this actually do it."

Following the mullah’s math, this suggests that between 18% and 45% of men here engage in homosexual sex—significantly higher than the 3% to 7% of American men who, according to studies, identify themselves as homosexual.

In other words, Kandahar, Afghanistan is one of the gayest places on earth!

Dr. Mohammed Nasem Zafar, a professor at Kandahar Medical College, estimates that about 50% of the city’s male residents have sex with men or boys at some point in their lives.

"The Taliban had halekon [young male lovers] , but they kept it secret," says one anti-Taliban commander, who is rumored to keep two halekon. "They hid their halekon in their madrasas," or religious schools.

The photo above is taken from an article on gay Taliban in the New Yorker. Even though the craven image was banned many Talibs took the opportunity to have their photo taken and had it touched up a bit to make them look even more camp than they already did.

So this is where Madonna comes in. The Taliban obviously have no respect for NATO. But what about Madonna? If we parachuted her in to do a concert they might put down those kalashnikovs and ‘Get into the grove’. They could even sing along to ‘Papa don’t preach’ and do the pose during ‘Vogue’.

It’s a sure fire winner. Before long Kandahar would by one big gay pride march.

The only problem might be: if Poland has control over the area then, will President Kaczynski give the go ahead for the march?